The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Tringa said:
I thought this was a made up until I read it elsewhere. I'd like to think whoever was responsible did it on purpose, but would not be surprised if they did not.

Dave
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Councils tend to go with the lowest bidder so I'm not surprised they weren't fully literate, in fact I'm surprised it's readily understandable !
 
Do it right and you can only bill the council for it once - do it wrong and you can charge them for putting it right.
 
While taking the interview, the employer asked the candidate:
Employer: So, how long did you work during your'e last job?
Candidate: 30 years
Employer: oh, you look young how old are you
Candidate: 20 years old
The employer was surprised and asked the candidate how she worked 30 years and has only been living for 20 years??
Candidate: Overtime!
 
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
 
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?” “I was stung by a bee!” she said. “Where?” he asked. “Between the first and second hole.” she replied. He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”
 
Urgent major supermarket update…

As from the 12th December all customers of ,Asda,Tesco,aldi,and Lidl will have to unload the delivery Lorrie’s before being allowed to use the self checkout facilities .. this will also entitle you to go to staff Xmas parties .

Morrisons and co.op are excluded as most of there customers are retired
 
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I've never put my specs on to look for my specs...
 
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Dr Who's TURDIS...
 
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