The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Well, I thought it was funny.
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A doctor in Duluth Minnesota wanted to get Off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. 'Ole, I am goin' huntin' tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.'

'Yes, sir!' answers Ole.

The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: 'So, Ole, How was your day?'

Ole told him that he took care of Three patients.

'The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL.'

'Bravo, mate, and the second one?' Asks the doctor..

'The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,' says Ole.

'Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?' asks the Doctor.

'Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her panties and lies down on the table and shouts:

HELP ME - I haven't Seen a man in over two years!!'

'Tunderin' Lard Yeezus, Ole, What did you do?' asks the doctor.

'I put drops in her eyes!!
 
It was our idea, my wife and I, to buy each other something for the home as a Christmas pressy.

I bought her a doorbell....
 
" Going by the Edinburgh statement, this must have been made up y someone form London"

I've only ever heard of those from Edinburgh referred to that way by other, more 'authentic' Scots - who knows?
 
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BEWARE!
These new year sales are a scam!
I went to Selfridge's and they don't sell fridges.
I went to Currys and they don't sell curry's.
I went to Boots and they don't sell boots.
I wasn't very impressed with the Virgin Megastore either.
You have been warned folks!
 
Cobra said:
BEWARE!
These new year sales are a scam!
I went to Selfridge's and they don't sell fridges.
I went to Currys and they don't sell curry's.
I went to Boots and they don't sell boots.
I wasn't very impressed with the Virgin Megastore either.
You have been warned folks!
Click to expand...
I went to Joules and no joy there with the electricity bill!
 
There is no literal translation for "Sorry!" in Feline.
 
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