The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if a finger is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your finger gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $1,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s finger, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and sure enough, the surgeon sews it back on and later they collect $1,000 from the insurance.
A month later…
Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if your arm is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your arm gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $10,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s arm, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and sure enough, the surgeons sew it back on and later they collect $10,000 from the insurance.
A month later…
Bill (reading the newspaper): It says in this here newspaper that medicine is so advanced now that if your HEAD is cut off doctors can reconnect it and it will be just like new!
Bob (his brother): That’s funny, I heard that if your head gets cut off, the insurance company will pay you $1,000,000!
Bill: Hey, I got an idea…
So they cut of Bob’s head, put it in a plastic bag, rush to the hospital, and … after a long delay, the head surgeon comes out and tell Bill that he’s sorry, but Bob is dead.
Bill: What!? Why?! Two months ago you connected his finger back and it was like new, a month ago you connected his arm and it was fine - what went wrong?!
Doctor: When you put his head in a plastic bag, he suffocated.
 
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