The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

Is butcheeks one word or should there be a space between them?
 
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In a similar vein, I hope he can wipe left handed... Actually, I rather hope he can't!!!

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From a Youtube short:

A young man goes into a chemists shop to buy condoms, the pharmacist asks, "How many do you want?"
The young man replies, "Well, I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot, I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out and I've got a feeling I'm going to get lucky after that, so could I have ten?"

Later that evening he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents and he asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and quietly says, "You never told me you were such a religious person."
The boy leans in close and whispers, "You never told me your father was a pharmacist!"
 
An old lady was knitting & speeding down the highway. A cop pulled up alongside her vehicle & yelled, "Pull over!" She yelled back, "No, they're mittens!"
 
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Cobra said:
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A few years ago when I had my M135, I got stopped by 2 plain clothes coppers in a 2 litre diesel Mondeo.

The copper commented "I really thought you were going to go for it when we flashed you".

I looked down at his car and said "It wouldn't of been much of a race"

"I've got blue lights & a siren" he said with a big smile on his face.

"You have, but I've got 3 litres, 6 cylinders and turbo, believe me, it wouldn't have been a contest!"

We both laughed and he let get on my way..... Decent Copper that one.
 
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A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused and horrified.

Meanwhile, those waiting for the shipment were at a loss for words.

Dave
 
Tringa said:
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused and horrified.

Meanwhile, those waiting for the shipment were at a loss for words.

Dave
Click to expand...

Groan…. moan murmur whine whimper mewl bleat sigh wail howl sob cry :D
 
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Jane always had a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex.

"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.

Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

"Here" she said, pointing to her privates,"you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her as hard as he could in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed: "What the bloody hell did you do that for?

"Tarzan check for squirrel." he responds
 
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Lets face it, the Lionesses did better at the world cup than us men would do at the ironing!!!
 
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