The Official TP Funnies thread ( Jokes Memes etc )

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Is that a bassist clef I see in the middle of that couch?
 
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Petrochemist said:
They're often brown already, and if you foolishly leave them out they go soggy (if they don't just disappear)
However soggy cookies still taste better than fresh salad.
Click to expand...


Left over cookies? (Or biscuits!) Not sure I understand the concept.
 
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Is that like a photographer giving a non-transferrable discount coupon to a groom for his next wedding?
 
A secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once!"

"Alright, here's some good news." said the secretary.

"You're not sterile..."
 
An elderly man living alone in London wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, since the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Dad x

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, the murder squad and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you x
 
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